"Your eyebrows are sisters, not twins."
If you’re ever worried that you fucked up real bad, just remember that there are over 2,500 reported cases of vacuum cleaner-induced genital trauma in the United States each year.
(Source: blue-collar-girl, via beyoutifunk)
I made an old lady blush today at work because she ordered two senior coffees and I said “SENIOR ? I’m sorry miss, i’m going to have to ask to see some ID.” and she covered her mouth and went “Oh dear me” and couldn’t stop smiling
|Cashier:||That'll be $4.03
|Me:||I only have $4...
|Cashier:||That's ok, I have the three cents
|Me:||what are we?
"If you gotta force it, just leave it alone. Relationships, friendships, ponytails.. Just leave it."